


bittersweet

by youngjo



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Magic, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjo/pseuds/youngjo
Summary: They spent their nights together stealing glances at the stars, Seonghwa gathering memories he had no right to. Hongjoong was a prince, and he was nothing more than the mage meant to teach him.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113
Collections: ateez ff





	bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is a vent fic,, just needed to get some negative feelings out of me

Seonghwa remembers the day he’d been hired with crystal clarity. How could anyone forget walking through beautifully crafted silver gates into a garden with more varieties of flowers than a wild meadow, a magnificent castle carved from stone towering before you?

Of course he remembered walking through those gates for the first time, and anyone who said otherwise were sure to be lying—or they were a fool.

He was a humble mage specializing in healing magic. That was really all he could do. Nothing special, nothing outrageous. He could only heal, but he was damn good at it. Despite this, Seonghwa still applied to become the Castle Mage for the kingdom known as Rajiin. Unsurprisingly, he was the only one to apply. Perhaps he was the fool for putting himself so close to corruption.

Still, it was better than the life he had left behind. Sleeping in the storage room of an old witches’ shop in town was … painful, to say the least. Seonghwa had been used to waking up with shards of crystal embedded in his skin, clothes covered in dust and herbs and smelling faintly of burnt sage. Within Rajiin’s castle though, he was offered a warm bed and three meals a day. 

_ Three meals a day. _

Seonghwa still smiled over that, even months following. No more scraps from the shop owner, always reminding him just how lucky he was that she took him in, how she’d raised an orphaned street rat from the ground up. No more beatings, no more guilt tripping, and no more awful meals. Seonghwa could still remember the look of shock as he finally worked up the courage to tell her no as well. _ No more, I’m leaving. _

Yes, that had been a glorious day. His walk to the castle was the happiest he’d been in years, his eyes traveling over the crumbling stone buildings and townsfolk milling about their usual business with newfound energy. Yet, despite all of the happiness guiding his feet, he couldn’t help but wonder how much different his life would’ve been had he never met  _ him. _

His first day on the job involved meeting his first and only student. He was a prince, and a spoiled, overly cocky, loud-mouthed one at that. Third Prince Kim Hongjoong of Kingdom Raijiin was a trickster, and Seonghwa knew from the moment he laid eyes on him that the flow of fate had guided them together.

They were both younger back then. Hongjoong had just turned nineteen, freshly graduated from an academy meant to teach him book smarts and all things proper to being a prince. He was intent on honing his magical skills as well.  _ “So I can properly protect myself, no matter what’s thrown at me!” _ He had said. Their close age made it easy, perhaps too much, for their relationship to become more than just teacher and student. They became friends, and even then Seonghwa knew it was dangerous territory. Friendship with a royal was unheard of—forbidden even. His station was high, but it would never be high enough to warrant Hongjoong sneaking out of his room for glimpses at the stars and Seonghwa stealing memories that he had no right to.

As much as he loathed to admit it, life had been much simpler with crystal shards and pollen-dusted toes.

Where Hongjoong was the raging wind of duty, Seonghwa was the calm lull of ocean waves. They sought each other out a little too naturally. It was calming, and Seonghwa began to live for the moments they could spend joking under the night stars. For someone of such high regard in their society, he didn’t show it. Hongjoong was completely different when not put on display for those who were constantly calculating how to get rid of him. Despite being the youngest prince, he still held power, and though the king and queen were firm in their rule, some remained fearless.

The first attempt on Hongjoong’s life was met with Seonghwa’s body absorbing the spell. It burned, but Hongjoong was ushered away before he could check on him for any rebound. Although the wound was quickly healed with his own abilities, he could still hear the  _ that’s my fault _ balancing on Hongjoong’s tongue.

“You are safe, and I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Hongjoong didn’t answer, just staring at the sky as it continued to cloud over.

—————— xxx —————

Months later, while they were training on rugged grass and the world was awash with freshly fallen rain, a burst of magic the color of blood sliced through the air. It’s all laughter and jokes until it isn’t, and Seonghwa knew then that the attempts are not for Hongjoong; they are for him. Everything burned and the ache seeps into his bones but Seonghwa is strong. He has to be. The mage does not voice his concerns and he allows the King’s Guard to praise him for being so reactive. 

Hongjoong doesn’t comment this time either. In turn, Seonghwa also says nothing.

Then the prince turns twenty, and the whole of Rajiin becomes alive with energy. The king and queen set up a gala, of course, because showing off their wealth and how powerful their family has become is important for maintaining their image. 

Seonghwa waited late into the night to offer his gift. Gemstones, the color of the sea and cut by his own hands. They would become the source of Hongjoong’s power in the long run, all of his energy and raw emotion stored inside each stone. Hongjoong adored them and, for the first time, Seonghwa felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Here, he knew he was screwed. He hides it well though because, really, that’s all he can do.

A Castle Mage with a Crowned Prince? Unthinkable.

The winter months pass in a blink, ushering in spring on warm breezes and festival nights. 

He enters his room one night after a particularly long day spent training to a black box tied in the most luxurious red silk upon his bed. Inside is a silver necklace with a beautifully cut piece of amber hanging from the center. Inside is a note. 

_ ‘Happy birthday, Seonghwa. I wouldn’t ever forget.’ _

Seonghwa smiles and tucks the box, note and all, into a drawer full of special items he’s accumulated in the year since becoming employed there. 

A few days later, while walking into town for supplies, he’s attacked a third time. The wounds are bad this time and even if he heals the cuts and burns, the blood will remain soaked into his clothes. Wiping the blood from his mouth, Seonghwa understands.

On the way home from his errands, he stops by a familiar place. The sign is dangling on a single rusty chain, wood faded and emblem barely identifiable. A host of nasty smells, the result of failed potions, lingers outside the building. Inside, the interior has all but fallen apart. It’s nasty but befitting of the person within.

His adoptive mother says nothing when he places a small sack of gold on the counter. She smiles, and he’s surprised at how expressionless his own face remains.

“Enough is enough.”

With this, the attacks stop.

—————— xxx —————

Time seemed to pass in a blur following his birthday, and Seonghwa wondered where everything went so fast. Suddenly they were a year older, two years passing in nothing more than a blur of memory.

Hongjoong changed, and so did Seonghwa.

Their training sessions grew shorter and shorter as the prince was sent all around the land in a parade of wealth and power. The king and queen were sick, and his eldest brother was missing in action. Between the middle son and the youngest son, tensions had grown, and the world had gotten much tougher on both of them.

Seonghwa could see that, but he still missed their conversations. He missed their time under the stars, back when they were younger and life had a simpler meaning. 

Within days, there were whispers of marriage and producing heirs before it was too late, and Seonghwa’s heart sank lower and lower. He’s upset when he really had no right to be. He was a Castle Mage, and Hongjoong was the Crowned Prince. He had no right to be jealous.

… Was he jealous?

No, there was no way he could admit that. Servants couldn’t get jealous. His only purpose was to teach Hongjoong how to control his magic and maybe put on a show for visiting neighbors. Outside of that, he was nothing—no one.

Seonghwa needed to convince himself of that too.

—————— xxx —————

A few weeks later, under the light of a full moon, Seonghwa coughed and coughed until his throat burned. Something dislodged from his throat and fluttered to the ground, illuminated by the light of the moon, and denial runs hot in his veins.

The flower petal sat before his feet, stark against the grass and overwhelming in its brilliant purple hues. There’s just a faint hint of blood clinging to the tip and despite the open sky above him, the world suddenly felt so utterly small.

Bittersweet nightshade, huh? He supposed that fits. After all, the feeling in his chest was just as bitter.

Hanahaki disease.

It was fairly common in their society, but Seonghwa had never once thought it would touch him. Too outlandish, too unreal, even for a mage.

Yes, perhaps it would’ve been better if he’d stayed among crystals and pollen.

Hongjoong was a prince, and Seonghwa was nothing more than a mage.

There was no way to cure Hanahaki unless the cause of the affliction accepted your feelings.

Or you died.

It was that simple. It would grow and flower, changing from petals to buds to full flowers. Once you reached the final stage, you had a week left.

The ocean grew tumultuous.

He managed another week without another petal. Hongjoong was still in another kingdom and perhaps the thought of how he was doing triggered it. Seonghwa stood in a shaded corner of the garden and coughed until his lungs burned. There was no blood this time, just a single purple petal that could have been easily plucked from the garden around him. His vision swam as he stared at it in his palm. This was already so painful and it had only just begun.

Seonghwa didn’t know if he could handle buds, let alone full flowers.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. Sure, he could shove it into a flower bed and hope no one would notice, but the gardeners would be on it like hawks. So, he opted for shoving it into the black box Hongjoong had given him almost a year ago, hiding it away from prying eyes. This wasn’t exactly an occasion to mark but Seonghwa felt he needed to somehow.

Maybe he was just trying to hide how worried he actually was.

—————— xxx —————

They missed his birthday.

Hongjoong returned twenty-one and one brother short. Now it was only a missing son and one completely unready to take the weight of his parents’ follies onto his shoulders.

When Hongjoong walked through those silver gates in much the same manner Seonghwa had years ago, two petals pushed up his throat and splashed blood along his fingers. He hid from the entourage of guards leading him in, hacking into the bushes as both petals tumbled out into his palm and stared mockingly up at him. The mage schooled his face into one of calm despite the pain. After all, he was supposed to be the ocean, and Hongjoong was supposed to be the raging wind.

Hongjoong was overjoyed upon seeing him again and, despite the sickness destroying his lungs, he felt relieved. They spent Hongjoong’s first night back under the stars together, Seonghwa listening as Hongjoong rattled on about all of the things he was lucky to experience while traveling. About halfway through his storytelling, Hongjoong stopped. Seonghwa blinked at him as he pulled something from his satchel, shoving it towards him.

“We missed my birthday, but we won’t miss yours,” he whispered.

It’s a book, bound by soft leather and made specifically for writing letters—for letting Hongjoong know he’s still alive.

(How could he possibly tell him that he’s dying?)

Seonghwa pretended he couldn’t see the soft smile on Hongjoong’s face.

“I’m glad I made it back for your birthday.”

He suppressed the urge to cough, and Seonghwa knew there would be more petals in the morning. His heart ached but Seonghwa simply smiled in return.

“Yeah, me too.”

True to worry, there were seven petals that night. Seonghwa had gotten into the habit of shoving them into his oil lamp, but his body was so weak he could barely lift his head. 

The mage slept on the floor that night.

—————— xxx —————

“They want me to marry some princess from a neighboring kingdom.”

Seonghwa looked up from the sand.

Hongjoong’s face was a strange mask of calm, an unsettling simmer of anxiety returning to his stomach. The prince was no longer a raging wind. He had become the sunset over the ocean’s calm lull, and Seonghwa silently scolded himself for the comparison.

What did that make him?

“And your thoughts?” Seonghwa’s voice was careful and quiet. 

“I’m tired of being shown off like a puppet. I have things I wish to do as well, a life of my own that I want to live.”

The mage hummed, dragging his fingertip through the sand. His chest burned and it took all of his willpower not to succumb. “What will you do?”

Hongjoong giggled, mischievous twinkle in his eye, the one that Seonghwa had so dearly missed. “I’m going to run away.”

Suddenly the whole world seemed to collapse around him.

Seonghwa, despite his fears, agreed to help prepare. He was a servant, sure, but he was also Hongjoong’s friend. Hongjoong had trusted him with his plan and there was no way he would ever betray that trust.

In just a week, he would be sent off to the neighboring kingdom for a dinner and first meeting with the princess. The practice of arranged marriages had become obsolete in the kingdom of Rajiin. It had never been a concern until now, so there were traditions and a multitude of preparations that needed to be made. Therefore, the task of gathering supplies and travel gear fell onto Seonghwa. No one would spar him a second glance given his status. 

He asked later that evening if he should go, but the prince quieted those thoughts with a soft laugh.  _ It’d been too suspicious if you came with, Seonghwa. They might think you kidnapped me or something. _

The mage understood, even if it hurt.

Thus, he threw his mind and heart into preparing. Hongjoong would come by his quarters a week from tonight and pick up a variety of things Seonghwa would gather during trips to town. Food, clothing, potions, anything Hongjoong might need on his journey. To where, neither of them really knew. Hongjoong insisted he would just follow the flow of the wind and see where it led him. Even if he had picked out a destination, Seonghwa wasn’t told. 

Seonghwa knew though. He would be the first soul questioned on his disappearance, and Hongjoong wanted no one to know where he’d gone … not even the man who loved him.

—————— xxx —————

Monday was spent in town, running errands from the castle that weren’t typically his own. He began picking things up under the pretense that they were for the journey Hongjoong was to take the following week. It worked because, truthfully, who would ever think their beloved prince would run away?

When he walked back through the gate that day, Seonghwa spotted Hongjoong practicing in the courtyard without him. The prince had gotten amazing at what he could do, channeling energies and creating illusions with minimal practice. He was far more talented than Seonghwa had ever been and was a natural at grasping the thread of magic everflowing around his body. Although he had every reason to be proud, there was instead only heavy sadness within his chest.

The prince smiled in that blindingly soft way, and Seonghwa could only stare in return.

That night, he coughed until there was a pile of purple petals, topped with a single bud that forced tears to spill from his eyes.

—————— xxx —————

Tuesday and Wednesday were slower, with Hongjoong being forced inside to practice formalities and determine dress code. The wedding wouldn’t be taking place in Rajiin, thus the castle became alive with servants and guards scurrying around as they attempted to prepare a caravan of offerings for their joint kingdom. 

Seonghwa had no place in any of it and honestly, it stung. After Hongjoong was gone, what use would he have here? His purpose was to be a teacher, and soon there would be no student for him to instruct.

There was no time spent under the stars that night, only petals and blood and the uncomfortable silence of his room.

—————— xxx —————

Thursday changed things.

Seonghwa swore he got rid of every single petal. He had always been fairly clean, but with the activity of the castle, his usual thorough nature slipped up.

Hongjoong knew immediately, because he was a prince and royalty were forced to read important books that Seonghwa would never even lay eyes upon in his lifetime. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Who?” Hongjoong demands, holding the petal between white-knuckled fingers, eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

The mage redirected his gaze stubbornly to the sand. “I didn’t want to cause trouble. You’re leaving soon anyway.”

He missed the knowing look Hongjoong gave him. The petals are purple, and the prince is no fool. “That is no excuse. Seonghwa, you’re still my teacher … my  _ friend. _ ”

Seonghwa doesn’t answer, and he can only watch in helpless silence as Hongjoong abandons him on the hillside.

Later that night, the sky was swallowed up by clouds. Part of him was grateful for the excuse not to meet up, for the longing in his chest became a single bittersweet nightshade flower.

Seonghwa cries into his hands, but he knows it isn’t for his physical pain.

Friday was quiet, and he didn't see Hongjoong once.

—————— xxx —————

It was finally Saturday, and everything Seonghwa had been dreading was finally forced onto him.

Hongjoong was leaving.

He went through the motions of their discussed plan over and over throughout the day but his mind was far in the clouds.

The full flower he’d ungracefully coughed up that night was sitting upon his desk, and Seonghwa stared at it from across the room. Anger burned in his chest. Why me?

The mage threw himself into preparations for a distraction, tucking the bag Hongjoong was to grab near a hole in the hedge. Seonghwa had been carefully coaxing the leaves and branches there with magic all week so they wouldn’t snag. No trace of hair or fabric would be left behind; he made sure of it.

Night came quicker than he was anticipating.

Seonghwa waited until there was a gentle knock at his door. Hongjoong hurried inside his room, wearing the cloak he’d picked up just days before. His expression was schooled into calm … until he spotted the flower sitting upon Seonghwa’s desk. In everything going on, he’d forgotten to get rid of it.

Wide eyes fixated upon him. “That’s real, isn’t it? Real hanahaki?”

He glanced between the flower on the desk and the prince before him. Why did he suddenly feel so small? “... Yes, it’s real.”

“Gods … Seonghwa, why didn’t you say anything?” Hongjoong’s eyes brimmed with sadness. “Something, anything … I would’ve fought to stay.”

“You know then?” Seonghwa whispered.

“Of course I know, Seonghwa. I am no fool.”

There was no more strength in his limbs, and Seonghwa let his body sink to the floor. “I couldn’t. It … isn’t my right.”

Hongjoong crouched down next to him, reaching out to gently cup his face. “Of course it was your right. Prince or no prince, mage or no mage, you’re the most important person in my life.” The prince leaned forward, pressing his nose against Seonghwa’s. “I can’t stay here, Seonghwa. You know this. This is an awful birthday gift, but I love you.”

Seonghwa stared at him in open mouthed shock, tears welling in his eyes. His own hands raised, locking gently upon Hongjoong’s wrists. “... You love me?”

“Yes, and you deserved to be courted properly, not left to suffocate on flowers.”

“You love me,” Seonghwa repeated, and Hongjoong laughed on the end of a sob. 

“Seonghwa … run away with me,” the prince murmured.

Seonghwa blinked in surprise, tears rolling down his cheeks. “R-run away with you?”

Hongjoong nodded, dropping his hands so he could motion to Seonghwa’s desk. “Pack a bag, grab your robe, and run away with me. We can be together, just you and me.”

With a newfound strength in his body, Seonghwa obeyed. He pulled himself up and quickly shoved some clothes into a bag, grabbing a few things from his special drawer … including the petal from the start of it all. 

They snatched up the bag from the bushes and climbed the wall in a quick haste, smiles plastered permanently to their faces as they vanished without a single trace.

There were no flowers that night, or in the following days of their travels.

The prince loved the mage just as much.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twt [@moonswallowed](https://twitter.com/moonswallowed) (18+ pls) for more content!
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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